There’s nothing more devastating than the loss of a child – in this instance, we’re speaking of loss before conception. Being told that you can’t have a child of your own may feel as though you’ve been dealt a bad hand in life when you have so much love to offer a child. Here are some options that you should consider so that you can still experience the joys of parenthood.
Even if you or your partner can’t carry your baby, there is always the option of surrogacy. This is where another woman will carry your baby. There are a variety of methods when it comes to surrogacy, and your baby may be genetically related to one or both parents. Resources like Surrogate.com can help you find the perfect surrogate to carry your child.
Egg or Sperm Donation
In some cases, there may be a problem with only one partner in the relationship. This leaves the door open for the possibility of a donation of either an egg or sperm. Services like Egg Donor Connections often allow you to choose your donor, although intended parents and donors can’t meet due to anonymity requirements. In some instances, you may be able to carry your own child, while in other cases it may need to be paired with surrogacy in order to deliver a healthy baby.
You may just be struggling to conceive a child naturally. In vitro fertilization (IVF) is one option in which the best egg is selected and fertilized in a lab. The doctors will implant the fertilized embryo so that the pregnancy can proceed in a normal fashion. Some couples will even use IVF with a surrogate so that they may become parents.
Fostering to Make a Difference
There are thousands of kids in the foster care system that are in need of a stable home. Joining KidsPeace or another foster organization can be a very rewarding experience knowing that you’re giving these kids a chance at a new life. The downside is that you may grow attached to them. Fortunately, there is often an option to adopt them if their biological parents decide to sign over their parental rights.
An adoption agency like Adopt US Kids can help you realize your dream of parenthood. It can take years if you’re looking to adopt a baby. Adopting an older child is something that you may want to consider. Many of these children are struggling to find the right family. They may be overlooked because they are considered too old by many other couples.
You don’t have to look longingly at every child you see or avoid attending your friends’ baby showers because it hits a pang of despair in your chest. There are lots of options if you’re struggling to become a parent. A diagnosis of infertility doesn’t have to squash your dreams for parenthood.
If you are struggling with trying to conceive and haven’t been diagnosed with a medical reason for infertility, sometimes adjusting your diet, exercise, and even adding herbal supplement support can be a game changer. Let hope carry you as you choose the path best for you.
Together, we are part of a much needed and growing change in maternity care. From pregnancy to parenting, we are here for you. Sign up for one of our empowering classes today!
The “birth community” has a rather unfortunate reputation that precedes us. Some tend to come across as harsh and judgmental toward western medication, not unlike this childbirth educator in the 2008 comedy, Baby Mama.
We rather giggle about this interaction as Amy Poehler’s character makes it very clear where her decision lies. And yet, we all know that, especially when it comes to all aspects of childbirth, the media has a reputation for being woefully inaccurate. This includes the education and support personnel in the field of childbirth, namely birth doulas and childbirth educators.
As a doula who has attended all kinds of births, let’s clear the air about medical birth a bit.
When it comes to birth, women have many medical options. Some of these options are what we call “interventions” because they intervene in the normal birthing process. These can be natural interventions (such as natural induction) or pharmaceutical interventions (such as epidural anesthesia for labor and birth).
There is, fortunately, a lot of readily available information about the risks and benefits of interventions. Women have more knowledge available at their fingertips than ever before in history. It’s true that evidence shows that most of the time, interventions do carry more risks than they do benefits.
That does not make them bad. Or evil. Or unnecessary.
And it doesn’t invalidate the women who choose to have them for their birth. It simply says that there are risks associated with them.
But, there are also benefits.
So let’s talk about some benefits to interventions. The most obvious benefit is that some interventions can be life-saving. Birth is rarely complicated, but when it becomes so, western medicine is very good at handling acute care situations for both mothers and babies.
There are many interventions used in modern obstetric units, but for the sake of simplicity, we’ll stick to 3 of the most well known: Induction, Epidurals and Cesarean section.
Induction is a great benefit for when it’s really necessary. Evidence supports induction in 3 cases. 1: Preeclampsia. 2: When the waters have been broken for 18 hours and labor hasn’t started yet. 3. Being induced past 41 weeks is supported by evidence – not because going past 41 weeks is dangerous, but because induction is likely to be successful at this time.
When induction is successful (meaning that it leads to a vaginal birth), it keeps a mother from having to go through a cesarean. It can save a mother and baby who are headed toward toxemia which can be very dangerous. Waters being broken for extended periods without labor starting can cause infection. The benefits of induction are obvious in these cases.
Epidurals (pain relief that is injected into the dura part of the spine) are being hailed as either Heaven’s gift to women or the devil’s invention itself. Emotions and opinions aside, when is it useful? One of the side effects of an epidural is that it causes a drop in blood pressure. It’s so predictable for this, actually, that nurses are required to give women a bolus of fluid to prevent that drop. However, for a woman with out of control high blood pressure in labor, an epidural’s blood pressure lowering effect may be of tremendous benefit.
What about sexual abuse survivors? Sometimes their bodies can respond in a similar fashion to labor and birth that they did to their abuse: by closing up and pulling away from the situation. This is not helpful in childbirth since a baby needs to come down and out. This reaction can be subconscious and out of an abuse survivor’s control. An epidural’s numbing effect on that region can allow a woman to open her body for birth.
Epidurals are also popular because they are generally a very effective form of pain relief. This can be important to many women for many reasons that go beyond just not wanting to experience pain. The way that epidurals are given today, most women are numbed enough that they feel pain relief, but they are also left with enough sensation to push. Birth doulas as very helpful to mothers that have epidurals as well since they can help explain what is happening, keep the mom comfortable, and help aid in the laboring process to keep the baby moving down.
What about the exhausted mother who has a baby that is perhaps malpositioned and causing labor to go longer than the range of normal? Or the baby that simply caught the birthing mother in a completely exhausted state? An epidural can allow for some much-needed rest from what is surely the biggest physical job a woman will ever have.
It’s true that cesarean section is nothing to shake a stick at. It is major surgery and a mother should only go into a cesarean if the situation truly warrants it. But it does save lives. And the ones that have been saved by surgical birth are grateful for it.
Interventions are tools and nothing more. They are neither good nor bad. They simply carry risks and benefits. Which risks and benefits are important to a birthing mother are solely up to her. Sometimes the benefits outweigh the risks. In those situations, mothers, doulas, and providers are grateful to have them.
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